Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
These tits shall not be calmed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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