who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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