1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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