Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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