So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
