i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
