Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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