some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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