Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
