paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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