I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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