Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
