I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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