I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
