Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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