so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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