just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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