Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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