apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He better not be in your backpack
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize