Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
