remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
