her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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