Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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