Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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