so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
