I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
