WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
