I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
