So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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