Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
