Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
