I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
