He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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