I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize