THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
