I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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