I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
