I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
