When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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