i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
