Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
