Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize