This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize