you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
