I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
