I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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