mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
