i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize