The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
