The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
