We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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