I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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