Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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