I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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