Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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