u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
