it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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