Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
