i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
