He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
