i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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