Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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