I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
