im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
