I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
