You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My vagina is officially offended.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
