you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
