He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
