so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
