I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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