i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
