me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize