the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
