Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
