What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My bed smells like the plague
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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