no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
