I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
