I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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