After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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