I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize