Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
