All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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